Dating and Self-Confidence | Secrets You Need to Know

Are you a single woman struggling in the dating pool? Join me in this post, where we will talk about Dating and Self-Confidence and those secrets (not so secret) that you need to know.

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I don’t know about you, but I hated going out on dates.

I’m going to be freaking honest. The dates were torture for me.

I almost gave up and resigned myself to the fate of being single. And I want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with staying single if that is your will.

When I look back and wonder why I had such bad dating experiences, the answer comes easily.

I must admit that I struggled with self-confidence.

As a plus-size woman, I always have been highly aware of my body. And unfortunately, my self-perception was poor.

When it comes to dating, auto-image and self-confidence are pretty much involved.

We all want to feel admired, loved, and respected.

However, getting all of this from a relationship is difficult if we cannot provide it for ourselves first.

 

What I have learned about Dating and self-confidence

A bit of my experience. I have had weight problems since I had my daughter at 22.

After becoming a mother, I couldn’t go back to being the slim woman I was, no matter how many diets and exercises I tried.

My daughter’s father seemed not to mind me being overweight.

He always told me that he liked me the way I was until he moved in with another slimmer woman.

You know what? I think those are the experiences that stick like garbage in your subconscious and somehow make you believe that you are not enough.

Thankfully, that is water under the bridge now.

When I got divorced, still very young, I had no desire to go out with anyone; therefore, I stayed away from dating “unfaithful guys.”

But the years passed. And well, you know how it is. We were not born to be islands. Biology prevailed.

I felt the need to be in a relationship again.

I had to enter the playfield and interact with guys romantically again.

That was frankly scary to me.

I didn’t even know how to date someone again. And I hated the reflection of my body in the mirror.

Nor did I have many prospects in my previous environments.

I eventually found myself dating two men with whom I had developed a connection.

Those were the frogs. The prince was nowhere.

To make this story short, I won’t miss that part of my life if you take it from me today.

Now I realize there was no way I would be successful with guys back then.

Now, I am going to explain to you the reason while I tell you the secrets of dating and self-confidence that I learned in that difficult time, but fortunately, it had a happy ending. 😉

Facts you should know about Dating and Self-Confidence

1.- You will not do well on dates if you do not like the person you are

Stop kicking yourself.

Seriously. Do not become your worst enemy.

For a long time, that was what I did. And the saddest thing is that I was not even aware of what I was doing.

If my friends invited me out, I always refused. When I liked someone, I did my best not to show it.

When I finally dated someone, I couldn’t help but be aware of my appearance or how unattractive I felt.

I was very good at sabotaging myself.

I couldn’t focus on the positive or the qualities that I had.

Girl, I’m telling you. It would be best if you learned to value yourself as you are and cultivate your self-confidence every day.

That is KEY.

Most guys who go out on dates also want to feel a special connection with someone and achieve a good relationship except, of course, for the players who only want one-night stand. Be careful with those!

But, generally, when a man invites you out or agrees to go on a date with you, he ALREADY finds you attractive and wants to know you better.

2.- Stop focusing on your flaws

Now I know it. Any woman can conquer hearts, look amazing, and be lucky in love if that’s what she wants.

Besides, there will always be guys who have a preference for a girl like you. Yes! Just as you are.

The problem is not your “flaws.” Because regardless of them, you are a woman with unique qualities and attributes that make you special.

You have to learn how to take advantage of your natural attributes.

And I’m not just referring to the physical attributes that you indeed have.

It’s important to consider your emotional well-being and personal strengths.

Are you looking for a partner that makes you feel better about yourself and validates you as a woman?

Forget that.

You don’t need external validation. The only assurance you need is within you.

And you build that validation every day, taking care of yourself and loving yourself despite everything.

3.- Do not settle for less than you deserve

One of my frustrating dating mistakes was that I didn’t have clear priorities regarding the partner I wanted.

When unsure of what type of person you desire, you risk ending up with an incompatible partner.

My low level of self-esteem made me feel like any man who wanted to date me would be just fine for me.

Big mistake! Every woman deserves to get their ideal partner.

I’m sure you want to find someone with whom you complement each other perfectly and can build a long-lasting relationship.

So don’t settle for just anyone.

Yes, I know. Keeping your standards high can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have too many options.

But believe me. In the long run, you will thank yourself.

4.- Work on your weaknesses while still loving yourself

One of the best ways to increase your self-confidence is to work on those “flaws” that you do not like about your appearance or personality while still enjoying yourself as a person.

In my case, I had to work on some specific things about my body and personality.

For example, I was and still am an introverted person. So I had to learn to be more confident and go straight for what I wanted.

I also started taking more care of my health, exercising more, and avoiding certain foods.

The result was that I felt confident to be more proactive on my dates.

When you overcome your challenges, your self-confidence increases enormously; therefore, you feel better, and the chances are that you will have more success in your dates.

5.- Focus on being the kind of person you would like to be with

This phrase may sound cliche to you, but it is true. At least it worked for me.

No one wants to end up in a relationship nightmare or with someone who doesn’t share your values ​​or goals.

Visualize the guy who has the qualities you are looking for and value in a partner.

It would be best if you defined those qualities very well. Say them out loud. Write them down.

This act will help you clearly define the person you want in your life.

Now that you know what the person you want is like, start developing those qualities yourself.

Remember that good relationships are reciprocal. Therefore, you must also give the best of yourself to your partner.

Aren’t you ready to start dating anyone yet?

No problem. Give yourself all the time you need to work on yourself and continue visualizing your ideal partner.

Watch out! I said ideal, not perfect because we already know that perfection does not exist.

6.- Dating and Self-Confidence: Give yourself the power to choose

Now that you know what you want and don’t want from a relationship, allow yourself to visualize and choose your partner.

Having the power to decide who you want to be with will make you feel empowered and much more confident.

I was always the type of woman who expected men to choose and seek her.

Outcome? One failed relationship after another with incompatible guys.

On one good day, I decided that I would be the one to choose. I already knew what kind of partner I wanted to have in my life.

And that’s what I did. I allowed myself the power to choose. I had to trust my good judgment and my intuition.

When I felt ready to go out on dates again, I wasn’t afraid to take the first step to meet the guy who seemed to reach every point on my list.

Today we have been married for three years, and I can say that it has been a blessing that our paths have crossed.

Trust your good judgment. Women have a lot of that.

Do you think being able to choose is a privilege for slim and beautiful girls? That is not true, and I am living proof.

The day I decided to have the man I wanted, the Universe conspired with me to make it so.

Now, I can happily say that my disastrous dating days are over.

I am with a wonderful man who makes me feel safe and loved every day.

Summarizing

Going out on dates can be intimidating for some.

However, you don’t have to settle for anyone who doesn’t meet your standards.

Yes, time passes, and you can feel that it is difficult to find someone who likes you and accepts you as you are.

I am an eternal optimist, and I have always believed that everything comes at the perfect time.

Remember you can choose who you want to be with if you develop self-confidence and grow as a valuable woman daily.

Heck, you can get anyone you want.

The advice for loving and caring for your body and mind is still valid. Remember, no one else will do it for you.

And being your best version will expand your opportunities.

For now, dating and self-confidence will continue to go hand in hand like any good couple.